Well, I must say that it took Marci having to encourage me, with me blowing off the notion of “needing” anything, before I realized how meaningful some alone time is to our soul. As I have sat here for the past 2 days pondering some really tough questions (which I will share at the end) I can’t help but realize how easy it is to play “Christian”. Most of us can answer the questions with our head knowledge but where is our heart? I started really trying to analyze my heart in answering these questions. I noticed that on some of them I was operating off of knowledge and not on heartful obedience to God.
In reading a book, I ran across this quote, “ Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” This quote stuck with me because we need to look at ourselves at the heart because that is what the kids see when they are watching us. They don’t see your knowledge or what your thinking, they only see your actions and whether it is done with a heartful obedience. All of this brings me to what I think we all need to work on, which is casting a VISION for our families: “Here is where we are; there is where we ought to be.” The men have to keep the family from running in circles. It is not just a one time thing we talk about or put in place. It is walking beside, showing, encouraging, pleading, blessing, coaxing, reminding, encouraging again, correcting, backslapping, scolding, hugging and encouraging again. I look through that list and I know that I have failed at each one of them numerous times and I have failed sometimes by not doing it, but most of the failure has been my HEART not being in it when I did it.
An old Chinese proverb comes to mind when talking about vision: “Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I’ll understand”. Some of you may have a vision for your family, but does your family know about it? Have we just taken the backseat in our family and hit cruise control? Have we just been spiritually numb and have not responded too much? Are we mad at our spouses and we are paying them back by not taking leadership? I can tell you that I have fit into each one of those catorgies at some point. I can tell you this time away has allowed me to see quite a few things to work on within my family and myself.
I want to encourage you whether you are a man or woman to get away every now and then and ask yourself some tough questions, read your Bible, pray, pray again, read your bible, pray and read your Bible.
One last story from a book I read this weekend. This guy named Jeff went dog sledding and he was amazed at how well the dogs listen to their master. He said all it took was a whisper and they did what he asks them to do. After he returned to the base, he said, “William, we have a dog that lives at our house, and he only obeys when we yell at him. Yet you get obedience through a whisper. What’s up?” William said, “Those dogs were made for this. They live for this. And when you’re doing what God designed you to do, your master can guide you with a whisper.” Can we be guided with a whisper?
Am I closer to my spouse today than I was a year ago?
Have I read God’s word with my family this week?
Have I prayed with each member of my family this week?
Do my children know they come before the people in the church?
Are my children joyfully experiencing Christ at church or do they resent the church?
Does my spouse feel close to me spiritually?
If my spouse could have me change one thing about me, what would it be? (Why haven’t I changed in this way? What am I going to do about it?)
Are we honoring the Sabbath as a family?
Do my wife and kids enjoy being around me?
Can my family clearly articulate our family values and vision?
In what area of life have I lost my passion? (What can I do to get it back?)
If the enemy were going to “take me out,” what are my three most vulnerable points?
What new burden has God given me in the last year?
What have I unlearned that has made me closer to God?
What new discipline is God calling me to do?
What has God asked me to do that I haven’t yet done?
Is there something that I think about more than I think about pleasing God? (Money, possessions, ministry, family, recreation, something else.)
Do I have an increasing joy in serving Christ?
Am I handling the pain of ministry with integrity?
Am I still being persecuted for my faith in Christ?
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